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The three versions of feeling stuck I see most often.
In my coaching, there are three versions of feeling stuck I see most often. All three look almost identical from the inside, which means many people spend months, sometimes longer, trying to solve the wrong problem.
In this article, I'll explain why misdiagnosing what's keeping you stuck is so common, as well as the consequences of getting it wrong.
Version 1: Unease. Life looks fine on paper, but something's off
Feeling stuck often shows up as a vague flatness rather than obvious unhappiness. In fact, you've felt a bit off for so long that it's become your factory setting. When pressed, you might blame your job, your relationship, your city, or the fact that all your weekends somehow look the same.
Sometimes there's an obvious trigger: a relocation, a separation, a milestone birthday, children leaving home. Often there isn't, which makes the flatness harder to explain to others, and to yourself.
These are all real grievances, but they are often surface complaints. Underneath them usually lies a deeper dissatisfaction that's harder to define: the work you do, the people around you, the place you live, or a sense of meaning that's quietly gone missing. Four different problems, with four different solutions.
Your instinct here might be to skip the diagnosis and jump straight into changing something big, which feels productive, but rarely is.
Version 2: Uninspired. I want something different, but I don't know what
In this version of feeling stuck, you've already decided you want a change, but you just can't wrap your head around what that might look like.
This often shows up as a combination of not having enough ideas in the first place and a brutal internal editor who dismisses every option before it's had a chance to be fully considered. As a result, you end up with a shortlist of three uninspiring options you keep going back and forth on, and eventually come to the conclusion that nothing out there fits.
That conclusion is almost always wrong, because your issue isn't a shortage of options. It's that you've not been creative enough yet to look beyond the most obvious ones.
Version 3: Non-committed. I already know what I want, but I'm not doing anything about it
In this version of feeling stuck, you already know exactly what you want. In fact, you've known for a year, maybe three. It's to start that personal project, make the move abroad, end the situation that's draining you, or build the life you've been fantasising about since 2024.
But whenever you think about making the jump, something stops you: time, money, dad's opinion, or your own ego. Take your pick.
So instead of taking action, this new life becomes a little fantasy you lean into whenever you've had a rough week. An alternative future that provides some escapist relief and a sense of agency when your immediate options feel limited.
But the longer it stays a fantasy, the less real it feels. And the less real it feels, the easier it becomes to stop believing change is even possible at all.
Two mistakes that cost people the most time
Most people never stop to diagnose which of the three versions of feeling stuck they're in. They feel something, grab the nearest available explanation, and start acting on it.
And as I explained in a previous article, action bias can be helpful, but it's also where mistakes are made. Each version needs a completely different response, and the actions that help in one will actively sabotage you in another.
Here are the two mistakes I see most often.
Mistake 1: jumping into "what's next?" before you've worked out what's actually wrong
A very expensive mistake, time-wise, is jumping into "what should I change?" before you've properly worked out the reasons why you're unhappy.
Being tired of your circumstances and being tired of your direction are two different things, but they feel almost identical from the inside. Someone whose unease stems from a draining daily routine faces a different problem from someone who's genuinely outgrown the life they've built.
I often see people arrive at coaching who've spent six months researching big changes. They've built shortlists, taken personality tests, spoken to friends and family, and are actively trying to picture themselves living somewhere else entirely.
But when you trace their unease back, the actual problem is usually more specific. They've lost a sense of impact, the feeling that what they do connects to something that actually matters. Or they're no longer spending time with people who energise them. Or they've stopped learning anything new in the past two years. None of those need a dramatic reinvention. They're specific problems, and often fixable ones.
And as I said earlier, fantasising about a different life often feels like progress, which is why it takes over. Thinking about what you might do next is inherently more energising than figuring out why you feel the way you do now.
And yes, sometimes generating options is the right move. Just not when the source of the dissatisfaction has never been examined.
Mistake 2: using endless research as a substitute for action
A smaller group of people I work with already knows what they want. They've known for months, sometimes years. It's starting that project, making the move, having the conversation, or sending that all-important email. They've made the decision, but just haven't committed to it yet.
So they procrastinate in the most socially acceptable way available: by doing more research. They read another book, do another test, sign up for another online course, and have a few more conversations with ChatGPT, who reassures them yet again that they're ready to take on the world.
Each of these activities feels like forward movement, but they're merely looking busy without committing, out of fear of failure, of getting it wrong, or of disappointing the people whose approval matters more than it probably should. Those fears usually don't go away with more thinking and research.
The question I usually ask clients who face this version of feeling stuck is: "If someone removed every practical obstacle tomorrow, money, other people's opinions, timing, would you know what you'd do?"
Most people in this situation already know the answer. They just haven't said it out loud to anyone yet. And saying it out loud, it turns out, is usually where the decision finally becomes real.
That's also where I come in. Knowing what you want is one thing. Translating it into actual forward movement, small but real steps that exist in the world rather than in your head, is something else entirely.
The gap between the two is where most people stay the longest and where coaching is most useful.
Not sure which version you're in? The free 45-minute consultation is where we work that out.